after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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