The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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