i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
false alarm, still single
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