where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
