im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
