did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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