I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
