So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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