I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
