woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's get the cat blown out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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