That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
