Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
