So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
