Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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