I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
