I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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