I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
