My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
