Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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