im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize