There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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