hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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