You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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