that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
