I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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