so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
