I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
