i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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