i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
