Midget sex pt 2 tonight
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
