you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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