1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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