At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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