I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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