I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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