i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
