Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
