And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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