whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
