We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
