Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
