i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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