i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
