where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
