Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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