do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
