I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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