yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
