How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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