I hate your face
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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