I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
