I wish my penis had an off switch
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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