Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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