i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize