we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
