Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
