awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
