Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
