But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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