They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
