You just made me feel so damn special
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
