Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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