Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Farmville is her only friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
