I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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