A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize