Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
