Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
