I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
