fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
