he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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