im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
