pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
