so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
