There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm really into asian looking animals
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
