my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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